Special-The start of Marriage
“Women, why don’t you say ‘NO’?” (By Ms HongXX)
There are things in life that is decided by fate, we cannot choose our own parents or siblings, we cannot choose where or when we born; but, at most situations, we do have the right to make decisions, if only you have enough courage and intellectual, you can handle a right start.
Today is Sunday, I went out for breakfast, just before leaving to pay the bill, I write a note, wait until that next table’s guy got up and went to the bathroom, (I have already had 3 coffees for this moment) and quickly stuff the note to his girlfriend, and told her: “ After you finished, keep it to yourself, go home and think about it, I am that author” I quickly said that to her while rushing towards the counter.
The girls stare at the note; a little surprised, she didn’t dare to look at me, a bit of confusion appeared on her face. When I finishing paying my bill, her boyfriend (should be her fiancé) is walking back, she holds the note tightly, quietly put it into her handbag.
I do not know what had become that girl’s life, I don not know her, she is just a pass-by in my life. Perhaps, won’t meet in the future.
However, this sadness arises in my heart, I felt sorry for her, I sympathise her. I tried to save her life, but it is such a difficult thing to do.
Many people believes life is handling by ourselves, but then, how come so much people let life to go like that? And lost him/herself?
The people who is handling own life (fate) knows his/her life and knowing how his/her life is operating. In knowing own life, dree own life, final life, it is necessary to have a clear oracular, the courage to break out, and strong determination.
Can this girl handle her own life? She appear to be so weak, the note that she holds would encourages her to be more smart, and fearless. Or perhaps that now she have confused with the situation, and worry that she will regret in the future?
The content of the note:
Dear Lady,
There are two things that you have to do immediately:
1. Is go and buy HongXX’s book, after you read it, it will be a great help to you
2. You have you leave that man, who is sitting opposite to you
From: A stranger, but somehow felt sorry for you
This kind of action shocked myself too. It is not like I would do it everyday. I am calm and stable all the time, especially about other people’s business. At the same time, I never tell people to make what decision, because decision is made personally. However, at this time, I was worry, just heard the conversation of her and her fiancé. It is just like what my previous fiancé said. I remembered how I was so helpless and weak.
The waiter direct the couple to a table next to me, I heard the gentleman, with the gold-frame glasses kept emphasising: “ Do not buy anything that we don’t need, that is expensive, oh yeah, if something that is expensive, YOU DO NOT touch it, if we really need to use it, we have to buy the one that we can use it for a long time.”
The girl start talking, in a voice that I can barely hear. And suggested some other things. The man immediately opened his eyes widely: “ Not now, we cannot have it now, but maybe after we got marry.”
They sit down and ordered breakfast. From here, there is about another half an hour till the near-by department store opens. I know that they are a couple that are about to get marry, after finishing the breakfast; they will start getting the newly wed things. But then, the girl had no smile on her face, very sad, seems like that the shopping trip is very difficult.
The man didn’t even wait for the waiter to leave, he cannot wait and start saying: “ My mother…my mother…my mother…” I did not hear what he was on about, the girl kept her mouth shout, she didn’t say a word. Looking at the man opposite her, the man suddenly asked: “ Where are the things that you bought?” The girl replied in a whisper voice.
Man: “ I paid that, why is it in your place? I bought that! Isn’t that turn out to be your property? Oh, forget it…talk about it later.”
The man ordered ham and cheese sandwich (Pape, it is not garlic bread~but not much different though!, and the girl oreder Italian risotto. When the breakfast arrived, the man didn’t even wait for the girl to start, and scope twice from her serve and deliciously start to eat, after that, start cutting his sandwich and eat. Calling out: “ Oh, this is yum, delicious….” But, I didn’t see he cut even a little piece for her, and ask her if she want some.
The girl started talking about her recent visits to friends place, the man immediately snapped: “ You always owe visits from friends, I hate that!” The girl stopped talking, and continues to eat her rice.
When the man finish his meal: “ Oh, so full, so full” and have about ¼ of his serve left, he pushed it to the girl and said: “This, eat it” The girl had her brows locked together and said: “ I don’t want to eat it, I am full.”
The man forced her to eat what is left: “Eat it, eat! Hurry up and eat!” The girl silently starts chewing on the bread.
Then, man’s energy is back.
“Ok, let’s CONFIRM, you take a pen, paper? Ok…2 pairs of shoes, what is it for? You really going to use it or just for good look?”
My god? Wedding? Only 2 pairs of shoes and he is complaining? However, the girl got shocked. She used the voices so low; explain the usage of the shoes.
I don’t mean to ears dropping on people’s conversation, but then, they were less then 1 metre from me, so I really got into it. And again, the girl used her tiny voice, though I know she is explaining to the man the usage of the dresses and other things.
The man again, made the judgement: “Ok, then this pair you buy it yourself, the one goes with the wedding dress is more expensive? Alright, I will pay for that one! The expensive one is pay by me, you understand?” (PS, a word from wasabi: Oh!!! By this time, when I was reading this,,,,I got so made that I want to %$#%$&%^%!!!
Not even after one minute, the man start shouting: “Hai, your calculation is so bad, it is too far apart, re do it again, hai, write here! Here!!! Not enough paper? Use the napkin!”
“This, after sale, how much is it? 100 dollars? You get this yourself”
“Wei, wei, you are so…bad calculation, and bad brain too. Understand this, this 100 something dollars, I paid it, you have write in on my side! Ok, then, bed, 500 dollars, rings, I got that, write it on my side, wedding dresses, 1500 dollars, I paid that AGAIN, coat, 120 dollars, LOOK, how much I am spending on you! Here are another 500 something…Wei! You are wrong again, you are very pathetic!”
The man looked at the watch and it is already 11pm, he start giving directions again. “ When we go to SOGO (the department store) just straight go to level 4 and 6, we go after we got what we need, you don’t look around ok? Look more that you going to get more, things are so bloody expensive, I am telling you once more, don’t buy what we don’t need, understand? Alright, let’s go.”
When they are paying the bill, the girl took out a 5-dollar bill and put it into the bill-folder and pushes it to the man.
The man finally smiled, this is the first smile that I have seem in 40 minutes, apparently he is very happy of what the girls is doing.
He smile and said: “ Cheapskate, keep it” Although that he said that, but he did not take out that bill.
The girl didn’t want to, she convinced to pay for herself. They are going to get marry, should she do this? Or else that he is going to calculate it on her again. You know how much a breakfast costs? The answer is 5 dollars
Now you know what I want to write that note to her? Do you think that I should write it?
Relativity, I know it might not work much. Especially that they are getting marry, perhaps already sent out the invitations, how many people out there have the courage to pull the break and stop it?
I do not know what is the reason that the girl marry that man, but from what had happened, I don’t see that he love her. Truly that he is only controlling, selfish, cheapskate, and he uses trading process to treat his fiancé. I don not believe that since that they start going out they would appear to be nice and tender. Even now, he has showed his real face, the girl still have to take it all?
Dear girl, why don’t you bring out your courage and say NO? You have said that you are not going to allow men do what they want before, and not you cannot say no? You have planted the mistake, from experiences, perhaps you have already stepped into the marriage victims’ road.
Don’t you know that, a cheapskate guy you should not marry? It is not worth it to marry someone who doesn’t love you?
There are things in life that we cannot decide, we cannot decide our parents or siblings, we cannot decide when or where we born, however, most of the situations, we have the right to decide, if you have enough courage and intellectual, you definitely can handle a right start.
If you have clear mind and the courage to change, you can even stop a start of a mistake. The start of a marriage is such a big decision. In ancient history, matchmakers though made people lose their freedom to choose, but most of the parents picked for you, they have their reasons too. Nowadays, young people prefer freedom to love; most of the time cannot accept what old ones said. The think that they have ancient feudal ideas, what they call “the generational gap”.
Generational gap will always be there. Every generation’s young people faces the differences of environment and value of idea, believes that the things that old people said is impossible, unless the they experienced, experienced the failure of a marriage (or more) then would understand truly. But then, you have given up too much.
To judge a good or bad marriage, it is very difficult. No one has the right to judge on other people’s marriage, only the couple when they hold hands and experience the journey, in love and to be love in sacrificing oneself to understand the warmness and the coldness.
But, when young people making the decision of starting a marriage, it is necessary to have to responsibility to judge on oneself.
To choose the right person, at the right time, with the right environment, with the right qualities and step into the aisle, and continue the life journey, cannot gurantee a life-long good operation of happiness.
Although, a good start is half of the success, at least the right direction would not lead into the wrong road.
Time, environment, and qualities are sometime very general. It all can be change, only choosing the right PERSON, is the key element, there are certain conditions that we should not put a condition on it.
I don’t know have most people place conditions when choosing partner, but experience told us, pure and gentle, responsible and honest, endure and loving, the right value to life ect… no matter men or women, those are some conditions.
The process before deciding to get marry, there are a lots of little things, would be enough to show someone’s quality. And everyone have enough intellectual to identify the right from wrong, only, most young people cannot be true to themselves letting love and blind them. Kept self in denial, and believes that they are forgiving on a good reason.
The night before stepping on to the red carpet, if you have any doubts about this road please slow down and think, and face the truth.
If you have strong clash with yourself, direct contradiction, I strongly suggest you to stop, think about before and after, carefully examine your value in heart, even take out pen and paper, right down the right and wrong, use blue pen for positive and red pen for negative. Write it carefully, even if your tears spread through the paper, please face it truly, and should not stop. Until that you truly wrote it all down, if the red already fill up the paper, then what are you wondering? Are you really going to push yourself into the blood pond?
Believe in your instinct, do it immediately, admit the mistake and correct it.
Perhaps, you will have to pay for what had happened, but then, it could only be a slight problem compare to a lifetime mistake.
Choosing the road in life, the start of a marriage, it is the key element, are you ready?
Selfish and cheapskate men, are not hard to identify, only if you don’t get fool by love, do not use the term “economize” to replace cheapskate and forgive him/her, and fooled the truer meaning.
I encourage female friends to use clear mind, and to dissect the relationship, go and examine the men around you, it is not too hard to get your hands on happiness.
If any men who have these signs…. have to be careful!!!
1. He always decide where to eat, although that he worry that you choose the more expensive place
2. He never asks you what you like to eat and order for himself, or at least ask you a little a bit, and when you make your order, he kept on staring on the price
3. The food that he and you likes, he usually eat it over 2/3
4. He would eat the food in your plate, not feed you what he have in his plate
5. When both of you are very hungry, he kept on saying that he is hungry to death, and when the food arrives, he grabs it and eat without looking at you
6. His wallet is more important that what you like
7. When you are paying for half of the bill, his said” cheapskate, take it back” but still holds the money in his pocket
8. He always tell you, don’t buy anything that is useless
9. He always emphasis and use this kind of tone: don’t be this selfish alright? I am doing this because it is good for you, he always use the word selfish
10. He likes to use the authorities tone and said: you don’t…you can’t…no…. that’s impossible…etc
11. You always have to listen to him, and mostly are: I want…I have to…I reckon…I don’t like…. etc
12. He remembers clearly that which meal he paid, how much he paid, which things he bought, when he bought it, and when he argue with you he say: you know, that isn’t cheap! It is because of you…
13. When you are sick and stay in hospital, he would not pay for you at first, because he worry that there is not investment return
14. He always criticise that you are too wasteful, and say how he is so economized, and always say: I am doing this for our future, in the future we…
15. Always criticise on his seniors, or colleagues, he say: I don’t care what they do, I should do it first, or, I am just an idiot
Handle own life, walk towards happiness, need to judge on human weakness
Cheapskate men you should leave them, unless that you are similar to them
Women’s dignity should not be step on the ground, learn to say no, bravery say no, it is just a matter of making that decision, wave yourself, control by ME
Hello Ms Tila, 已經有寄到你的MAIL了﹐不知道有沒有收到~