在我看來，不論是電影裏的程蝶衣，還是現實裏的王國維與老舍，其實都是擺渡人的一種。他們在人生這出戲中扮演各自不同的角色，為世人演繹屬於他們的光怪陸離，聲色犬馬。他們的戲都十分出彩，並為世人所永久傳誦。
前幾周去看陳凱歌的道士下山，觀後實在是唏噓不已支付寶hk充值，幾個朋友扶著茶杯只道江郎才盡，想起當年霸王別姬的風采，我喟歎幾聲，再不作聲。
其實一個導演製作一部影視作品，就是給我們呈現他的價值觀與人生觀。實際上陳凱歌並沒有什麼變化，只是霸王別姬是他的巔峰罷了。就像我看了李安與王家衛許許多多的電影，卻永遠只記得斷背山與東邪西毒一樣。
常說人生如戲，戲中總有高潮，將戲裏的故事情節推到一個巔峰。只不過我們身處人生這場迷局之中，而不自知。
在我寫這篇文章的時候，我去翻閱了我九歲到十歲時的文章，如今細細讀來，實在是自愧不如。並不是我在後退，而是如今我過於賣弄文采見識。心境與當初大有不同q10 推薦，當時的我與現在的我都處於一個極端。往日我滿腔熱血，絕不會感慨世事無常。憶起舊時我看滿世界皆是傾盆大雨，青色油柏路上泡沫湧起破裂，當晚記日記，寥寥數字：今日下午大雨傾盆，路上朵朵泡沫破裂。我一邊看一邊笑，想起半年前颱風席捲落雨之時，雨汽漫天，氤氳四寮。隨手記下幾句話，特去翻閱一番。大意與往日那篇並無大異，只是字裏行間多了幾分愁緒，大有傷春悲秋之意。
過去我看泡沫破裂，就是泡沫破裂罷了。而擱在半年前，我眼望大雨瓢潑，泡沫破裂，定是心生悲涼，感慨世事無常。若是如今，我看泡沫破裂，也不過就是泡沫破裂，定不會再愁緒萬千，心比易安居士。
我一共看了三遍霸王別姬，頭一次看是我九歲時隨母親淺薄一觀，而後便是我瘋狂迷戀張國榮那段時間，但我只是反反復複翻來覆的去看霸王別姬裏張國榮最後毒發那一段，也不看其他。
我記得最後一次看霸王別姬，哭的很是傷情。
“我本是女嬌娥，又不是男兒郎……”程蝶衣的性別意識是模糊的豐胸療程，他頭一次唱成了“我本是男兒郎，又不是女嬌娥……”因此被師傅毒打，而程蝶衣本是男兒郎，但他卻身為旦角，這也為他今後的同性戀情埋下伏筆，因為他的性別意識在幼時已經處於一個混沌狀態。
程蝶衣一生入戲，直到最後唱《思凡》，他才終於脫離那個不瘋魔不成活的世界。他過於入戲，而段小樓又過於現實。這註定了他們不可能走到一起。所以段小樓最後和菊仙湊了一對，而程蝶衣以悲劇收尾。
陳凱歌在霸王別姬中使用反復蒙太奇的手法，幾段不同的時間段反復迴圈。當初我看霸王別姬，沉浮之間懵懵懂懂。也不深究電影手法，只覺得恨極了段小樓與菊仙，尤其是後半段四兒背叛程蝶衣，上臺與段小樓唱戲之時。我看得淚流滿面。
今年六一我獨自去了星光大道與哥哥跳樓的地方，去吃了當年他去吃過的車仔面。希望能走過他走過的街道，看他看過的風景。
我走在維多利亞港旁的星光大道上，蹲下身把手印在有張國榮名字的地方。耳邊好像是他唱當愛已成往事的聲音。我看次看張國榮的戲，總會覺得他就是為戲裏的那個人而生的，換種角度來說，他就是戲中人。
在某些地方，他和程蝶衣是有異曲同工之妙的。
最後一次看霸王別姬，我想起了王國維。在電影中，霸王別姬這出戲，在文革時期幾度想被改成樣板戲。古老的文化與演繹傳承這文化的人無一不受到迫害。
而王國維的遺書中講到：五十之年，只欠一死。經此事變，義無再辱。
王國維對於世事看得過於透徹，活得極其明白。他過世後家人整理遺物，發現了他自殺前的遺書，遺書條理清晰，思維慎密，這與張國榮生前表現相同。他們皆無異常舉動，以至於給世人留下重重謎團。
梁啟超曾說：“他（王國維）平日裏對時局的悲觀，本極深刻。最近的刺激，最近的刺激，則由兩湖學者葉德輝，王葆心之被槍斃。”
由此看出，他也是“文化”的犧牲人之一。
王國維之死與程蝶衣之死，有一部分原因是因為當時的思想運動。也有一部分原因是因為自己的心境。
在我看來，不論是電影裏的程蝶衣，還是現實裏的王國維與老舍，其實都是擺渡人的一種。他們在人生這出戲中扮演各自不同的角色，為世人演繹屬於他們的光怪陸離，聲色犬馬。他們的戲都十分出彩，並為世人所永久傳誦。
但在他們自己人生的那出戲中，他們一派塗地。擺渡人，搖著船槳把人從這邊擺到那邊去，他們把自己的畢生精力用來傳送他人。而自己卻始終要回到原點。
人從哪里來，就要回到哪里去。我們來自己土地，終究要沉眠於地下。人這一生，不過數十載。心境決定了你在未來的那條路上可以走多遠。
往世不可追，來日不可待。
時光並沒有為你背書，反倒是風來雨往，不厭其煩地把你折磨得瘦成骨骼的模樣。好在你一直都站在大運河邊上，沒有放下架子，沒有挪過地方。
古城牆啊，你這個受傷的歷史老人珍珍薯片，用殘損的目光，打量著那些數不清的人來和過往。
今天，你又用殘缺的耳朵，諦聽我虔誠的心跳，並沒有恥笑我的慌張。
有人說你身上一處處孔眼，是築牆時，夾板繩眼的勒痕，你似乎告訴我，那是爭戰時穿骨的箭，留下了難以癒合的創傷。
細看你不倒的骨骼，我除了心跳，還是慌張。此時，我不敢再撫摸你遍體鱗傷，只能在遠處瞻望。
我一時不知道說什麼好了。不去談明清，不去想隋唐。在你時有時無的低沉呻吟過後，我也悄然靜了下來，聽憑秋陽隨意地照過來，一任源源不斷的純粹乾淨的光波，在內心流淌。
When the laughter fades into silence, when faith becomes lost, you enter the dream steps is still persistent; when the ideal and reality collide, as bleak and brilliant resistance, you embrace the dream of faith is still strong. The preface
In September, an invigorating autumn climate in the breeze the breeze, we ushered in a full of youthful spirit, freshman is full of youth and vitality.
During the military training, olive green naturally became a unique landscape in the campus. See! On the playground, the neat pace, leaving behind their sweat, their record is serious; loud song, sing the joy, is to convey the true passion; greetings, said the words, the show is love. Their friends, laughing. Youth is lit up by a confident smile, and vigor is aroused by unbridled youth.
A year ago these days, we, like them, were full of dreams and were warmly welcomed by our seniors to enter the long desired University gate. With fresh feeling, curiosity, explore every corner here, every figure, every eye, every smile...... All in all, as if wearing a veil of mystery waiting for us to discover, to feel.
After rigorous military training, we soon entered the formal university life. The lights are shining on the University, passionate stage, who does not desire to become the most dazzling star. In this piece of a wild profusion of vegetation in the forest, with luxuriant foliage, who do not desire to own life branches covered with rich fruit. However, the brilliant aura of the imagined good college life is stripped off by the frustration of reality. Perhaps, in college, everyone will experience such a journey, from curiosity to excitement, and to the loss...... What kind of words should be replaced by the lost words? I can't answer them. Maybe different mentality, different choice, will produce different results.
I remember the teacher who asked the postgraduate exam, and I didn't hesitate to raise my hand. Only a year later, it has wavered on the test road. In the fierce competition and cruel social life, postgraduate entrance examination will undoubtedly increase our foothold in this society. But in the entrance examination of the road, need to pay more than others several times or even dozens of times efforts. And there are too many temptations in life, such as sleeping late, shopping, play...... No longer had the spirit of rejection in high school, no longer the passion of struggle, every morning in a sunny wake up. There was no exercise figure on the playground, and there was no reading aloud in my study room. There was no teacher's custom during the class. Become lazy, become numb. I have not known myself for a year.
The campus "olive green" coming and reminded me of my newborn with fresh and curious, hope and longing, always feel that the University for four years is long, graduated from the early, not too much to think about things after graduation, to enjoy the sight. A year later, a total experience of the total, understand what you say you want to get to Youth passes as a fleeting wave., not holding, want to stop to stop the. In the fleeting years, we will usher in a group of freshmen who are wearing olive green, and will also send a group of graduates wearing bachelor's clothes. But not every graduate has the chance to wear a bachelor's gown, not every graduate can be so proud and proud. After the college entrance examination is grad, after graduating from college and did not grad. The "olive green" coming to us once again sounded the alarm: we are no longer the big one, should fade childish manner, more of a mature; less selfish, more responsibility; fill the blank of the brain, the more thinking.
December - 2024
